Buckle up, friends, this might get bumpy. We’re going to talk about grief via death. We grieve lots of things, job losses, relationship changes, etc., but today I’m talking specifically about death. If it’s too much for you, now is a good time to exit out and read something else. I won’t be offended. I don’t know if I’m just paying attention or what but there seems to have been a lot of that going around lately in my world. Most of you probably know, but for anyone new to the blog, my Dad passed away in late May and I’ve spent the last few months wrestling with fresh grief. That said, there have been a handful of other deaths recently of acquaintances and parents of my children’s classmates and the like. It feels like it’s been a lot in a short window.
Perhaps I’ve been extra emotional lately or maybe there is some scientific reason for it, but I’ve probably cried more in the last two weeks than I have in the last four months. Grief is a sneaky sucker. Personally, I don’t think it ever actually goes away. It just hides and likes to sneak up on you from time to time. I was making homemade biscuits recently and had to stop in the process of cutting them out because I got to thinking about how my Mom, my Great Aunt, my Great Grandmother (all deceased) and I used to argue about who made the best biscuits. Take my word for it, it’s me. I promise. Mine are the best.
I’ve made biscuits countless times in the years since they’ve all passed and can’t remember any time that I’ve had to stop midway and cry. It’s not a good time to cry because your hands are covered in flour and dough. But something just hit me the right way this time. I didn’t see it coming. Last night I cried myself to sleep with thoughts of missing my Dad. I had a fine day and had just finished reading a book. I should’ve gone to bed feeling accomplished. Some thought must’ve crept in my brain about the time my head hit the pillow because tears quickly started rolling down my cheeks and an overwhelming feeling of missing Dad was the last thing I remember before falling asleep.
I share this only because I think maybe it can be helpful to someone else. I woke up today feeling all right but telling myself that it’s okay not to feel okay sometimes. For a few minutes in a lot of different days, I’m not fine. Maybe you’re better at it than I am, but I often find that it’s hard to admit when I’m not fine. Sometimes I just need to sit with that grief for a while and let the tears flow.
John 11:35 is a favorite Bible verse of children everywhere who are attempting to memorize Scripture. It simply says, “Jesus wept.” Many of us checked that one off the list early on and earned our reward for the week. This shortest verse in the Bible doesn’t have many words but, as an adult who has experienced the loss of both parents, all my grandparents, and multiple friends, I can see that it packs a real wallop.
Jesus, the Son of God and Savior of the world, wept at the death of his friend Lazarus. I find this story very interesting. Jesus, who had already personally interacted with Lazarus and his sisters, Martha and Mary, got word from the sisters that Lazarus was sick. Jesus did not get in a hurry to go to him. Later Jesus raises Larazus from the dead. So why the need to weep? To me, this is Jesus fully experiencing being human. Even though He knew He could and would fix it, He was moved by the death of His friend and the grief of others.
He didn’t just feel bad or sad, he wept. He saw Mary weeping and other friends weeping and He wept, too. Even to the One who had power over it, death came with grief. For just a moment in this story Jesus wasn’t fine either. If it’s okay for Jesus to weep, then it’s okay for us, too. It should be expected, and it’s acceptable.
Though I don’t believe grief ever fully goes away on this side of Heaven, I do believe that over time we begin to learn some of our triggers. Holidays, birthdays and special events often trigger fresh tears. When my children tell me they miss their Papaw or tell me they wish they could’ve met my Mom, I find it hard to cope. Making homemade biscuits is a new one. Hopefully, that was just an exceptionally emotional day.
Though I believe there are some similarities for everyone, grief cloaks different people in different ways. For me, it usually helps to let out the tears for the moment and then get on with living. I try not to stay there for too long, but you might need to stick around with yours a little longer. Either way, it’s not necessary to box it up until you can’t handle it anymore. Let’s offer each other enough grace to do just that.
Matthew 5:4 says “Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.” God doesn’t promise that we will avoid grief, nor does He promise that He will take it away. But He does promise that we will be comforted, and our grief will ease.
Grief exists because love exists. If you are grieving a death today, whether it was 2 weeks or 40 years ago, take comfort in knowing that you are loved. You were loved by those you lost. You are loved by Jesus no matter what. Hang on to these words that Jesus said to His disciples in John 16:22, “Therefore you now have sorrow; but I will see you again and your heart will rejoice, and your joy no one will take from you.” If we believe in Jesus, one day we will see Him and our loved ones again.
