Mommin’ Ain’t Easy

Maybe it’s because of a couple of conversations I’ve had recently. Maybe it’s because of how so many of us react when we hear about tragedies like the helicopter crash that killed NBA legend Kobe Bryant, his daughter and several others. Maybe it’s because of projects that I’m currently involved in. Maybe it’s because of coat hangers. Do I have your attention? Let me explain. Mommin’ ain’t easy. Parenting ain’t easy.

Friends my children are now wearing big enough clothes that the closet full of little hangers is not getting it done. I had to purchase a bunch of regular sized hangers recently to begin switching them out. A couple weeks ago I started to begin that task and, well, I couldn’t. It made me a bit emotional. Go ahead and laugh but it means my little kids are not that little anymore. When I switch to big hangers there’s no going back. They’re never going to be smaller. The time just races on and it brings changes and challenges that I’m not altogether ready for.

I couldn’t switch the hangers that day. So, I stared at them for two weeks. I needed to process it. Today, I began. Then I see and hear so much about “hugging your babies” after tragedies. Accidents happen and when they do to such a public figure it reminds us that they can happen to any of us. Our hearts break with the thoughts of how painful in must be to lose a husband and a child at once. We connect further because we know what it’s like to take a child to practice and honor a commitment. It makes us extra reflective.

It could be any of us at any time, so we must appreciate the right now. It’s so easy to get lost in the weeds of parenting. We grow so weary because it never ceases. The tasks change, sure. The kids age and grow more independent. There’s no rest from it. No vacation. No awards. No handbook on what works from one child to the next. And it’s just hard to know the right way to handle every situation. We frequently make mistakes, and, well I don’t know about you but that’s even harder to handle. How much damage have I done?

I glance back and wonder if I’ve done enough. I can’t get the minutes back much less the days. I look ahead and have to fight to not be paralyzed with fear. How will I handle all the things they must go through? Am I giving them enough of me? Am I giving them too much of me? Am I giving them enough opportunities? Too much stuff? Am I hugging them enough? Telling them I love them enough? Creating a safe enough space to let them be who God made them to be?

You guys parenting is hard. I want my children to be good, Jesus-loving humans. To grow into being responsible, caring adults with coping skills and the ability to think and act on their own. To have empathy and be able to see a bigger picture than the one that’s right in front of them. I want them to be able to handle with grace, honesty and integrity all the life that is coming at them.

But how do I properly prepare them in a world that is so harsh and scary? They won’t magically become those people. We have to teach them. We have to let them make mistakes. We have to let them fall down. I can’t teach them to get back up if I don’t let them fall. We have to let them do and think for themselves. I don’t always know how to do this. I don’t always want to do this.

Here’s the thing though – that’s our job and it’s important. I know the pay stinks and we’re never appreciated. And it often takes years to see the results of the seeds we have planted, but we have to keep at it. Investing in our children is always, always, always worth it. I’m going to trust that God has got this under control, too, even when we’re drowning in the minutiae of the daily grind.

What I can do is appreciate today. I can and do pray for my kids, their friends, their future spouses and their teachers every day. I can spend as much quality time with my kids today as I can. I can invest time in knowing their friends and their friends’ parents. I can give them a chance to try new activities and allow them to continually take slightly bigger adventures. I want to say “yes” when they don’t expect it and create lasting memories that will buoy them when I’m gone.

I can let that leash grow inch by inch because it’s what is best for the adults they will be. I can clearly define the priorities of our family and stay focused on those boundaries. I can choose not to feel guilty over my decisions and my mistakes. I can do the best I can and let the rest go. I can rescue them quickly when need be, but I have to give them a chance to learn how to do life for themselves.

I can celebrate that my children are healthy and growing instead of letting myself get caught up in switching out hangers. I can be the example of the adult I pray my children become. Instead of wallowing in yesterdays that won’t come again or borrowing trouble from tomorrows that may never be, I can love my children fiercely and enjoy the ride while I let them wrangle as much life as possible out of today.