Sometimes it’s better to say nothing at all

As I backed out of my driveway and headed down the street to run an errand, I couldn’t help but notice two planes in the sky up ahead. Really, I first noticed their perpendicular contrails. At a glance from my view, they looked like they would fly right into each other.

Of course, they weren’t going to because in reality they were nowhere near each other. From my far away perspective, though, it looked dangerous. I could have told someone that an accident was about to happen and started a panic. Naturally, I didn’t because I knew better. I knew my eyes were deceiving me.

The Holy Spirit called me out right then and there. I began to wonder how many times I’ve fallen into that trap. How many times have I thought wrong because I was nowhere near the situation? If I had the perspective of the pilots, I wouldn’t have been concerned. They were directly involved and knew the facts. They were close enough to the situation to know what was real. They didn’t need to imagine a disaster.

As I drove on down the road feeling a little disappointed in myself because of just how many examples of this I could readily recall, the Lord pressed hard on a couple sides of this topic. I mentally flipped through some of those examples. It wasn’t that I was spreading panic or false information, it was that I had been guilty of misinterpreting things because I wasn’t in the right position. That expression “knowing just enough to be dangerous” comes to mind.

I found myself making assumptions about situations and relationships without getting up close and fact-finding. It wasn’t that I was participating in rumors, I was just believing unvetted thoughts likely stirred up by Satan. It’s kind of like believing everything we see on social media and not considering that an image might have been photoshopped and filtered or a headline was deliberately juiced to get you to click on it.

When we have a second-hand (or worse) perspective, when our view of the action is from the nose-bleed section, and when we’re basing our thoughts on the game from outside the arena without ever having set foot in it, we simply don’t know enough. If your view of Christ is based on someone else’s relationship with Him and not your own, then there’s enough wiggle room for the enemy to go to work and plant all kinds of doubt. If your relationship with your spouse or your children or your close friends is based on guessing what they think – you’re going to get it wrong.

Just because we have an opinion doesn’t mean we need to have a comment or something to say on everything. Proverbs 10:19 says, “In the multitude of words sin is not lacking, but he who restrains his lips is wise.” Or look at James 1:26, “If anyone among you thinks he is religious, and does not bridle his tongue but deceives his own heart, this one’s religion is useless.”

Friends, we need to stop talking about everything like our opinions make us experts. We need to really consider if our limited perspective on a topic or situation adds any real value. For example, my knowing what your job is doesn’t give me enough insight to be an expert on your finances. I don’t know all the variables, and I’m not supposed to. It’s okay not to know everything about everything, and it’s okay not to talk about everything.

Similarly, we need to stop assuming the outcome or status based on our singular, and often incorrect, viewpoint. Just because I didn’t have time to return your call this week doesn’t mean I’m mad at you or don’t like you. So many of us (ahem, me) are guilty of making big assumptions with so very little information.  

In this same vein, the Lord also reminded me of a conversation that I had with my oldest child a couple weeks prior. I picked him up from school and as soon as he got in the car, he began to tell me about a rather unfortunate and serious situation involving someone in his grade. I was appalled at the alleged situation as he spilled all the details.

When he finished, I asked him how he knew all of this to be true. Well naturally he heard it from other students, and he didn’t know how they knew. I said, “Buddy, I’m going to stop you right here. First, if that’s true, then that makes me very sad. But mostly, we have no idea what the facts are, so we’re not going to talk about it anymore.”

Then we had a little discussion about why we don’t participate in rumors and gossip. Scripture offers plenty on the topic, but I like Proverbs 26:20, “Where there is no wood, the fire goes out; And where there is no talebearer, strife ceases.” NKJV

It can’t spread if no one talks about it. My son and I talked about how important it is to just not share things that are none of our business. Most of us know this, and though it is sometimes easier said than done, we often struggle to not participate.

I pray we each take some time to evaluate the conversations we’re participating in and the knowledge and perspective we’re bringing to them. That often-mentioned filter of “Is it true? Is it kind? Is it necessary?” is spot on. Perhaps we’re best served by taking our firewood and going home.